Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
