and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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