i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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