could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
