He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
