So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
