Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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