chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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