Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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