we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
