I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
