i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
