i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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