my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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