I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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