Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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