im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
