uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
