the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
