Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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