That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
