my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
