I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
