Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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