Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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