Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
