I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
