Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
