Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
