Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think im going to throw up on grandma
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
