drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
