Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
