he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i think my cat just said my name.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
