i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
