I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
