Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
