No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
