drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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