im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
