i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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