i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
