Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We are all done wearing pants today
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
