I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
