She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My breasts were aching with rage.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sext me about skeletons
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
