New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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