I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
