My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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