Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
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doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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