Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
