if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
