If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
