im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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