so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wear drunk well.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
