If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
