Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
