So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
