You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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