Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
