Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
