Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
