and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im holly from the hills drunk
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
