Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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