bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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