yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
