I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
its liver damage thursday
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
