I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
