billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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