i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
