If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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