Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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