Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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