you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
