dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
